St. Peter and the rest of the bouncers manning the eternal velvet rope must have November 22 marked on their calendars. The list of famous figures who passed away on this date is…varied? random? A helluva cocktail party? (But no drugs please, one of the guests is…sensitive.)
First of all, today is the 45th anniversary of JFK’s assassination in Dallas, TX. I’d suspect he’d be holding court, by the bar, perhaps sharing a cigar with Edward (Blackbeard) Teach (1718). JFK might not have minded Blackbeard’s more…whimsical qualities (they are after all both charming rogues with a naval background) but Commissioner Lin Zexu (1850), he of opium suppression fame, would probably not approve. The literary world would be well-represented with Jack London (1916) and two other guests, C.S. Lewis and Alduous Huxley, whose timing might present a problem, showing up as they did in the same lift as JFK. (One can only wonder at the conversation that took place in the queue on November 22, 1963. The boys at The Gate must have had quite the time sorting out that trio.)
On November 22, 1980 (much to the delight of President Kennedy, who we know had a thing for buxom blonds) the Good Lord requested that Mae West come up and see Him some time. Mae certainly adds charm to a room and – despite a bar full of literary and political heavyweights — has to be the most eminently quotable. (”When I’m good, I’m very good. When I’m bad, I’m better.”; “I used to be Snow White, but I drifted”; “Between two evils, I generally like to pick the one I never tried before.” Do I need to go on?)
Fortunately, Mae’s makeup would be in the good hands of one Ms. Mary Kay (Cosmetics) Ash (2001).
There has to be band of course, every party needs music. Forming the least likely duo since Gregg Allman and Cher married, bred, and released an album with the enlightened title of “Allman and Woman,” our Heavenly hoe-down would be rocking to the transformative vocal stylings of Scatman “Please hide any axes” Crothers (1986) and Michael (INXS) Hutchence (1997).
And just to make sure that if the party gets too loud nobody complains, we’ll have Paul (”Paulie Cicero” in Goodfellas) Vario (1988) greasing the angels to look the other way and, you know, buy something nice for their wives and girlfriends.
6 responses so far ↓
1 Adam Minter // Nov 22, 2008 at 1:29 pm
I’m probably going to receive some (admittedly well-deserved) hazing for doing this, but - in the interest of an accurate classic rock historical record - I must offer a correction.
Specifically, Allman and Woman was the name of the band (or duo, if you will). “Two the Hard Way” was the name of the album. I’ve heard it and - yes - I own a copy, purchased at a garage sale in 29 Palms, CA, more than a decade ago.
2 Jeremiah // Nov 22, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Adam,
You are correct, sir! Though I’m not sure the actual LP title is any better (or less nonsensical) than the artist billing.
3 chriswaugh_bj // Nov 22, 2008 at 6:42 pm
I was kinda holding off on JFK’s anniversary because Texas must be what? 13? 14? hours behind China. The assassination happened on the 23rd for those on this side of the dateline. Thinking about it, my father, who was 11 years old, would’ve been just getting up and getting ready for school as the shots were fired at 6:30am on November 23, NZ daylight savings time.
I don’t mean to be pedantic, it’s just that at lunch yesterday a colleague got me thinking about this by getting the dates- yesterday’s and the assassination’s- completely mucked up.
And November 22- especially in its 1963 incarnation- is oddly popular for dying on.
4 Winchester whisperer // Nov 24, 2008 at 9:56 pm
Great post!
5 Nels // Nov 26, 2008 at 11:48 pm
Really learned intolerably much from this post…the press or whoever made too much of a to-do about JFK dying on that day. Aldous Huxley was so much more important and even risque than the one handsome president. The Mae West quotes…why do you waste time with a tedious subject like Chinese history?
6 Terry // Dec 14, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Great post… pulling so many strings together… thank you.
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