First Elizabeth Edwards, now Ζhao Ζiyang…if you really want to screw over the people who wronged you, there’s nothing better than a tell-all book.

Prisoner of the State, The memoirs of Ζhao Ζiyang, the result of hours of taped conversations smuggled out of China (excerpts online here), will be published this summer…just in time for June 4th.

Possible embarrassing sections:

  • “So this one time, Hu Yaobang, Deng, and I are kicking it Gangster style in NYC, and Hu is blowing coke off of this hooker’s ass, and this other girl comes up, this smoking hot black chick, and Deng says, black ass, white ass, so long as she’s smoking hot, who the f–k cares?”
  • “When Wen Jiabao came to me for a position on my staff, he offered me sex.”
  • “Deng Xiaoping wore lifts.  Really.  He’s like the unmentionable offspring of Verne Troyer and Frodo.  Dude makes Tom Cruise look like Yao Ming.”
  • “I banged Chai Ling.”
  • “When Deng found out that we had invited the students into the Great Hall of the People, he lurched from his bed, screaming ‘This is NOT what I WANTED!’  So Deng goes to the Golden Globes later that year, posing as Jackie Chan’s toddler son, and he met up with Pacino at the Vogue Party.  They both got wasted on Cuervo, and it was from Deng that Al got the idea for the only good scene in Godfather III.”
  • “I always thought Li Peng was a putz.  And so did everybody else.  Seriously, he’s a total douche.”
  • “Best thing about two decades of house arrest? No need to attend late-night Karaoke parties at Jiang Zemin’s place.  This is a guy who makes the wooden Kim Jong-il puppet from “Team America” sound like Usher. Oh yeah, and this one time, in the late 80s, Song Zuying offered to blow me but I turned her down.”
  • “I am Spartacus.”

And finally, my personal favorite:

  • “Elvis is living in a Tibetan monastery and plotting his comeback as the theocratic ruler of the mountain kingdom.  The lamas sustain him on the blood of serf virgins, yak meat, and banana daiquiris.  The CCP has proof.”

In reality, I doubt there will be anything in the memoirs that will truly shock the CCP,  they’ve got their version of what happened and they’ll stick to it for as long as they are able to (ask John Edwards how well this strategy usually works, but I digress…).

Most of the truly damaging information about the confusion, incompetence, brutality, and rank stupidity among the CCP leadership in the days leading up to the Tiananmen crackdown has long ago been published.  But Zhao’s memoirs are likely to add flesh to the structure of what we know, and he will be the first General Secretary of the CCP to write such a candid book about the inner workings of the party.  In many ways, I’m more interested in what we can learn about the backroom political dealings and horse trading that went on in the early 1980s as Deng and his proteges tried to get the Reform and Opening policies off the ground.  Then again, I am a bit of nerd.

In any event, I will probably need to wait until I get back to the US for Christmas because the Chinese and English versions of the book, both set to drop May 19, are — you guessed it — banned in the PRC.

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Update: Richard at TPD has a post on this subject which is attracting an…interesting assortment of commentary.  Gird your loins and check it out.